Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
2003 November
My Links
Faygochikk's website
Raggedtigeruk's Blog
Crapxpix's Blog
Theblackmoontonight's Blog
Addicted2u's Blog
Jessi12288's Blog
Faygochikk's Blog
Poofacedkitty's Blog
Ryan00's Blog
AmandaLennoldsTheWeirdestLoony's Blog
Brian was not just a punk, Brian was a human bein
EMoney's Blog
Echo Screen
PETA
Emily's live Journal
Ann's WEBSITE!! check it out.. NOW!
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| urgent... |
| 03.26.04 (4:35 pm) [edit] |
http://www.livejournal.com/users/tears4ajerk/
new journal.. tblog hates me
|
|
|
| |
| if you destroy my sweater |
| 03.16.04 (4:11 pm) [edit] |
|
GOOOO... go die, I hate life, I hate almost every living thing, go die... KILL me... I want someone to fucking love me....
|
|
|
| |
| "you gotta be yourself to be happy..." |
| 03.07.04 (7:35 pm) [edit] |
|
oi... "bedtime" what the hell... i'm not going tosleep forhours anyways... I haven't been online latly, but If i am IM me Tears4ajerk = screen name. I'm bored... Today I went to lolipop farms, sooo fudging fun!!! it was madd cool. Then after I went to a movie, Starsky and Hutch, gnarley movie... TODAY was the FIRST day I drove on the EXSPRESSWAY!! w00p w00p... Did you know McDonalds cooks there frie's with beef?!?! isn't that fudging GROSS... hehe... well I gtg, oh yeah.. dyed Ally's hair. and I bugged Ryan to hang out alot, hahaha...
|
|
|
| |
| grrr |
| 03.03.04 (3:44 am) [edit] |
|
I was writing this big new thing, then it deleted.. poo on that, i'll write later, i wanna download the Gummie Bear theme song and the Sweater song.
|
|
|
| |
| "I've got shakey little fingures..." |
| 02.26.04 (7:47 pm) [edit] |
I feel deathly sick, It so isn't cool. I'm so dizy, I HATE THIS i need to go to the dance tomorrow... SHAUN i miss you! can't wait for saterday. I cannot make it if I do not go to sleep now. I'ma bout to puke. and stuff... I feel like crying! to make it all worse... my hair is turning blonde!! grr... I feel like complete shit! I feel like urining but I do not have to!
|
|
|
| |
| "love is blind..." |
| 02.25.04 (6:02 pm) [edit] |
*dies* Ian and Kelsey are going out..
*can never be brought back from dead*
EWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!
she's bitch. i still like Ian .< grrr... I never seem to get over anyone. she does it on purpose though.>
|
|
|
| |
| "I see skies of blue, red roses too, I see them bloom for me and you, and I think to myself... What |
| 02.22.04 (11:53 am) [edit] |
|
I'm so happy... It's not even cool! you have no fudging IDEA! HAPPY... Taylor is MMMmmm good.. he makes my pants fill with joy, my heart too... Holy Shiz, he is amazing and his style of dress, like a snow boarders dress, ya know, or like Bam almost, only Bam = UGLY, and Taylor = FUCK ME SEXI! I like him so much, he fills my heart, that hole in my heart Adam kept digging, Taylor is filling in, and pileing up, feels so good... He's a sweetie... Why am I talking about him, instead of talking to him... He's in the shower, hehe.. all nakie and such.. *creams pants, at the thought* NEVER have I been THIS happy.. I feel so good inside... hmmm, <3 >
|
|
|
| |
| "Do you believe in life after love?" |
| 02.21.04 (9:43 pm) [edit] |
|
I'm in love <33 holy shizz.. this is amazing. This feeling I am having. I feel so weeeee, ya know? Thhis guy is tall thin brown hair, amazingly sexi, the BEST part.. We both like each other, he has seen me and I have seen him. I think he is perfect, he think I am perfect, we are perfect for each other... He has even said so. I'm in love, and it's a healthy crush, love thingy ma bob. Not like the Adam in love with, deathly in love with Adam, but with this new guy, It's buietiful, we talk and talk for hours non stop. HE'S FUCKING PERFECT! I swear I am going to be thinking about this guy for fucking ever!>
|
|
|
| |
| "i dont care about history.." |
| 02.17.04 (5:41 pm) [edit] |
|
ally hates me... she wants me to rot in pergatory..
|
|
|
| |
| "Thinking back, to a time when I was young..." |
| 02.17.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
Today I'm going to light some insence and just reflect back on every one I have lost to cancer. There are alot, that I have known, and I miss them, and I think I just need this day of silience and peace to cry and get everything out and make myself feel better. I want anyone who reads this, to take an hour or maybe more TODAY and sit alone with a picture or maybe just your memories, and think back to when they were alive and everything you shared with them.
Today i'll be remembering:
Debbie
John
Corky (my cat who past away at age 16 from cancer)
Tom
Andrea
Teddi (I did not know Teddi, but I know because of her my lifehas become a whole new world.)
Also I'll be thinking about everyone else I know who has cancer, which is alot, and how much I love them, and never know how long they have left. Most of all, I love my brother, John Martin Prevost, who has a brain tumor, and has been living with cancer since 1994. Well that he has known he has had it. I love you all so very much.
|
|
|
| |
| "May the road, rise to meet you." |
| 02.16.04 (7:48 pm) [edit] |
Today, I went to the mall with Ally and her cuzin. And it was funny. Then we went home, and my mom drove me to Ally's house. And well we listend to music for mad love time well Ally had her nakie moments. Ally called Steve and we waited for him and threw ice on the ground saying people we were angry at, saying it was their penis'. Then Steve showed up... Ally called shotgun and soo me and Ally's cuzin sat in back, and made faces at each other. We all felt occward. We drove to Steve's house were we sat on the couches for like a half hour trying to decide what to do. Then Ally and Steve went up stairs and me and Ally's cuzin stayed down stairs because we were supose to get going. Then Ally came down and asked us to go outside. We went out side, and climbed up the BIG I mean huge ass snow pile! It was fudging huge, we climbed to the top, and waited to get off till Ally and Steve came out. Then Steve drove us home to Ally's and Ally told us what her and steve did. Steve ended up fingering and eating her out. Ally ordered Chinnese and I left to go to the wake. I went to the wake. But I could not kneel on the little post infront of the body. I saw John lying there lifeless and started to cry. I miss him so much. I don't know what my life would have been like If I NEVER met John. All the memories came back as soon as I saw him. He looked alot different, and I remember him looking cold, he looked so cold just there lifeless, I felt like if I were to put a blanket on him he'd gain life again... to bad. I'm old enough to realize death and all but he was young, he was only born in 1985, surley that's not enough time to have lived all he had too. But he did, he kept strong, not once did he say "why me?" he just tried to help out with trying to make the cancer go away. First time I cried on my mom's shoulder in a long time.The car ride to my sisters apartment, I was silent.. didn't say a word. I was reflecting on John and times we spent together, and how he had effected my life. I miss him alot. His sister Emily was there. We hugged I remember when one night I spent the whole night with her, it was at a holloween party and John was there, and John had a seger, and everyone there stopped what they were doing to help John. He had hit his head on the corner of a cement block time thing. It was sad but he had his helmet on, so it wasn't to bad. But me and her stuck together that night. After that we really didn't talk much, she got taller and thinner and I guess.. To good for me? But tonight we hugged and I hope she knows, I will always be there for her. It has to be tough Looking around your house and seeing objects that once belonged to your brother, and having spent 16 years of your life knowing anyday know my brother isn't gunna be there. I know it's gunna be hard thinking about not having John at any camp thing. Not being able to give him a hug or talk to him. I miss him.
this is from the little prayer card they give you at the funeral home:
In loving Memory of
John Phillip Clary
May 15, 1985
February 13, 2004
May the road
rise to meet you.
May the wind
be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm
upon your face
and rains fall soft
upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you
in the hollow of his hand.
[i]An Old Irish Blessing[/i]
|
|
|
| |
| "We come tumbling down..." |
| 02.15.04 (6:47 pm) [edit] |
|
Obviously I'm not good enough to hang out with you. Your too FUCKING cool for me, asshole.. This is it.. I think I got the comment I needed to get the fuck over that crazy shit head named Adam. he finally said it. Finally he was mean to me.I was checking something and he answered "From now on I'm not going to answer any question from you that's mindless and retarded" I'm so fucking sorry Adam, next time, I wont be so god damn retard... I'l make sure that my wording is clearer for you, you stupid fucking twat. I'm crying so much now... Why does he make so much effect over my head. Or is it me who does it to myself. Next time, I'll make sure, never to say hi back. or wave, or go to fucking advisment with you. it'll be more alone time with you are Amanda, more fun. feed each other and butter each others bagels. I'm sorry I don't eat fucking animal products and I don't believe that animals should be used for things we can find alternatives too. This week sucks... I lost a good friend, to cancer. I lost my best friend, he'd rather do drugs than humor me.
|
|
|
| |
| "keep moving on, got nothing to prove.." |
| 02.14.04 (10:23 pm) [edit] |
well, anywhoo..
it's been a few days since they pulled the pluge on John :cry: Yesterday, (friday) I got sent home from school, I was crying so much I couldn't take it. plus I knew Kevin would be bugging me for his god damn money, which I was too tearfull to ask my parents for, so of coarse I didn't have it. The thing that saddens me the most, when I needed people the most, before first period while in the foyer, NOBODY came to me, I was crying, trying to hold it in, but you could see my eyes watering up. NOBODY even said fucking hi! I watched and notice as they all AS USUAL split off into there little fucking clicks, the "pot heads" the "sluts" and the "I wish I had enough money to do drugs" groups, so fucking pathedic, it makes you hate high school. All the fucking people my age and that are suposivly my fucking friends, they all do drugs or at least once in their life have tried them. And I've noticed thats all they care about, so no fucking wonder they didn't notice I was greiving becuase all of them were to fucking high to notice. I guess that was another reason I was crying, these people I was standing in the middle of, with their backs to my front, they were supose to be there for me, but they never are. And John, he was ALWAYS there for you when you needed him, he was always there to make you smile, and bring joy into the room. I'm going to miss him so much. He was a survivor. For as long as I can remember he pulled through. This year at the D4L at St. John Fisher college.... It's going to be rough, each year they give names of campers who have died, for a moment of silience, John had just resently died 2/12/04.. I know, I'll be standing there next to Rob Gilmore, crying over the strongest boy I know, his soul, will live forever! and His heart will be remembered. John you gave the world all you had, you are my hero!
|
|
|
| |
| RIP - John Clary 2/12/04 |
| 02.12.04 (2:24 pm) [edit] |
Today started off as a great day, I hung out with Adam.. Played DDR in class.. got home.
My mom then gave me the news a friend had died last night. John Clary. He had graduated from Pavilion schools last year and he was voted home comming king. He was in a wheel chair and had cancer. I was at a party with him once, and he bought the girl for her birthday a 24 carrot gold necklace charm thing.. He spent his money on her. He had to wear a helmet, the whole time I knew him... just in case... last years his cancer went back into remission... and last night he died.. he was a good guy, and I'll always remember him! along with Andrea and Tom, I love you so much! you'll always be with me...
|
|
|
| |
| "Have you forgotten, how it felt that day..." |
| 02.11.04 (5:59 pm) [edit] |
I don't want to put up with things ANOYMORE..
So confuzed... Adam is not going to ask Jelli out anymore.. Makes me VERY VERY VERY happy! beyond happy!
Rachel likes Kevin, and Kevin is all like "Blah" and so I flipped the fuck out on him! IT fucking anoyed me.. plus with the fact.. Adam is acting weird to me... grrr!!!!!
"You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye. " a quote from Adam's profile on AIM... I feel like he is doing that to me! WTF I hate it... I'm gunna never recover from high school... I'll be graduated.. and still in denial over Adam.
|
|
|
| |
| "Let the bodies hit the floor" |
| 02.10.04 (3:24 pm) [edit] |
RAVES with ADAM... ooo ahhh..
Adam talked to me today in school... WE DIDNT TALK ONCE ALL DAY YEASTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
| |
| "Since the day I met you, and after all we've been through... still a dick.." |
| 02.09.04 (1:51 pm) [edit] |
Well, yeah...
Nick asked me what was wrong and he's not talking since I told him.. ADAM is what is wrong with me...*tears up* He didn't even talk to me today! He was with Jelli all fucking day..
|
|
|
| |
| "this is my story here's how it goes, don't tell nobody, cause nobody knows.." |
| 02.08.04 (1:36 pm) [edit] |
|
Ok, so anybody who reads my blog knows.. Adam (my best friend) we are still best friends, and will be for awhile.. at least till I explode. But i'm letting my emotions get in the way.. plus with the whole Adam thing, my mom wants to leave us. She says we will all be alot happier because she's leaving. I'm sorry me and my brother Dan aren't always perfect. She exspects us to be like Chris and John. John has cancer and he doesn't really know what's going on, then Chris is a jocky preppy ass know it all, who thinks he is better than everyone. Dan and me are down to earth, and real, plus with think love is better than grades. Dan yells at my mom for some things, usually 8715692835407825 times a day. I rarly yell at her, and when I "talk back" it's because she hits me for no reason. Went to the mall with Ally and Kevin yesterday, and Rachel was there <333 Rachel! So we hung out with her for madd long time. Came home, and talked to Matt for a long time, I wish Matt lived in New York, we would def. have funn times! I thanked Ian today for being there for me friday at the concert when nobody else was... I was depressed and Ian stayed with me the entire time. Of coarse I was depressed over Adam, but I wish it was more like last year, when he never wanted a girl friend. now he's going out with a million people. well at least 3... >
|
|
|
| |
| ojnfresnvgh9g45 |
| 02.07.04 (5:48 pm) [edit] |
|
My life is officially sucking, but you know what.. I'm holding it ALL in, not gunna let anyone know unless they read my blog, otherwise i'm happy little fucker named Carolyn.. my mom is all talking about going away n shit soo we will be happier.. wtf... all because I shut the door on her last night because she hit me hard, and it fucking hurt and I woulda cried but my friends were over. Then the only guy that I love.. my BEST FRIEND Adam is gunna ask out Jelli.. It's a sad day for me, but.. nope i'm not gunna show it..
|
|
|
| |
| "I NEVER WISHED THAT I WAS DEAD... UNTIL I MET YOU!" |
| 02.06.04 (2:31 pm) [edit] |
FUCK YOU!!!!! AHHHH..
Adam is horrible... how the fuck can you do this to me?!?! LEAD ME ON! i hate that.. fucking over a year asshole! Adam left me to talk to her today.. haha.. and then in advisment.. he barley even talked to me, you don't know how much that sucks! He went to advisement to hang out with me! bull fucking SHIT! How could he lead me on, I love messing around, but I didn't want feelings like this again! not again! anything but this! It hurts fucking pain and missery, so unhappy... I wish I was thin.. then i'd get guys.. I wish that life wasn't so gosh darn stupid! Why does Adam have to be my best guy friend?!?! I hope nothing will happen... I hope, he knows what he is putting me throw! He's getting anew belt instead of going tonight. I hope Chris goes.. I need someone to cry on... to lend me a hand.. I hate crying so much about this one guy.. I don't think he knows that my screen name is about him. he has not one fucking clue.. I keep remaining myself, I'm not changing for him, but I bet it may come off like that.. who knows... hah... Rachel is prolly the only other person who knows, but then again... I've been in love with him OVER a year.. they just went out... but they've been friends.. but no one would ever know how i feel.. I told Adam to be mean to me, because I didn't wanna like him anymore, he thought I didn't wanna be friends... not true, I love having Adam as my friend, just someday It could be alot more... haha.. never gunna happen, but I can wish.. FUCK this, I shoulda overdose when I had more pills.. haha, that way maybe he'd know how he is affecting me..
|
|
|
| |
| "Gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee.." |
| 02.05.04 (12:33 pm) [edit] |
|
Safe School Ambas. training today. Lots and lots of newbie's. SAW DENIS.. damn I missed him, he is such a sweetie, and he was so cool today. I met this 7th grader, she was sorta cool, got to explain my life and the things I do.. also.. got to do a play, and had a play about telling the teacher about Peta and simulation disections. madd cool. Talked with this girl who I barley knew, but she was in my math clas last year.. haha.. math.. Matt was in my math class last year, ex boy friends are funni, they are funni if you think about it.
|
|
|
| |
| "Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay" |
| 02.03.04 (1:34 pm) [edit] |
well.. School was Delayed today for about 1:30-2 hours.. yay now Math.. life is grand.. bad thing;
#1) BARLEY SAW ADAM today, so sad...
oh well.. hung out in Radio all mother fucking afternoon
Caryn is really cool, never really thought me and her would "click" but she's mad awesome.. JONNY ACTION CONCERT FRIDAY.. hopefully Adam goes and hopefully Ryan Stickney goes.. life whould be great, my two lovers!
|
|
|
| |
| "My suicidal dreams.. voices tellin me what to do..." |
| 02.02.04 (1:17 pm) [edit] |
|
Today... was such a great day.. I spent like all of it at school with Adam... such a sexiiiiii man... I cannot do this again.. Bad mind... don't fall in love again with him! So hard to do.. He is my best friend, and ALMOST EVERTYTHING in common.. he is the absolute most nicest, respectful guys you'd ever meet. He feed me today.. he feed me a Nacho.. it was like forcing me to but... oh well.I hope Friday, when we pick up the data match sheets I hope, I is on mine... even if he was the last one, I just hope he is on it.. I'd die! I love Adam so god damn mother fuggin much.. Amy wants me to ask him to prom, but Mad Ball we are probly going to together.... I can hope, can't I?.. He's the one who said he wanted to go... he might of ment with somebody else though :( i'd be sad...Probly miss loose bitch.. Amanda Padget... ugh.... she's so pretty, and even Adam was like ""She lies alot!" TOLD YOU! I miss everyone I use to hang out with.. expecially Ashley... Probly cause I haven't seen her in FOREVER! and I miss concerts with Becky and Mariella, and Warped tour when we all went TOGETHER!
|
|
|
| |
| "Sheena is a punk rocker..." |
| 01.29.04 (1:05 pm) [edit] |
Amanda, got me really pissed off today! Everyone really, she knows how much I like Adam yet... she flirts with him constantly... THEY are gunna go out, it's going to suck hard when they do.. He is going to lose it to Miss Loose bitch prolly too... :( He gave me a fun hug today :) made me happier.. I am really in love with him. oi it sucks.... being a bitch to him right now though.. WHY??????? oi, I don't wanna be...
Tears 4 a Jerk: hi butt
*****: hey
Tears 4 a Jerk: what's up?
*****: nothing you?
Tears 4 a Jerk: you don't have to ask
*****: ...why?
Tears 4 a Jerk: why ask?
*****: Cause I wanna know?
*****: start a conversation
Tears 4 a Jerk: nothing
Tears 4 a Jerk: haha
I star out Adam's screen name, to protect him, from scary people... hahahaha..
|
|
|
| |
|
You Are a Super Flirt!
You have almost every guy under your spell, and you totally work a room
You can charm almost anyone you desire - including your friends men
Sometimes your flirty ways arouse jealousy from others, but it's all in fun
You secertly crave another super flirt who will put you to the test
What Kind of Flirt Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Pirates of the Caribbean!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Heart is Grey
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
YOU LIVE IN A WALMART BAG!!!
what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
